so that wasnt chicken after all
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
