you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
