i jhust puked up my retainher.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
