You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
