Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
A+ Viking dick
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
