Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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