Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
