CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
