I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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