Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon