Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
