I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You can't motorboat a personality
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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