i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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