If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
