we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
