Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
