i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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