I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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