Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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