I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
