She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
