evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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