At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
