my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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