Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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