Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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