I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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