no, he came in my armpit
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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