so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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