called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
