Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
