Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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