Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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