I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
