he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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