I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
