Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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