just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Too much gin, very little bucket
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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