I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
