True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
