first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
please don't ironically join a cult
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