watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
