I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
