I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS