why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.