I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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