When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice