I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
