Don't make out with my wife yet
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
