Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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