No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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