who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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