u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
