My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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