They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
