thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
