I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
