I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
