Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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