the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
