every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
