I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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