Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
