Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This is my gift to your gina
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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