Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.