Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
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I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.