I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.