absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.