How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.