ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone