OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't put those talents on a resume
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver