I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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